thinking

It's been a little while since I posted on here.  I've been doing some thinking over the past few days though, and I think the nature of these posts are going to change.  My weight loss is not going well.  I've actually gained a pound in the last week.  :(  But, it's my own fault.  I just haven't been sticking with the diet like I should or doing much of any exercise.  It's been really getting to me about how difficult and frustrating it is to really get motivated to make such big changes.  I see all these other blogs where people have made huge transformations through diet and exercise so I know it's possible, but I'm not sure it's possible for me...not right now.  The reason has to do with my own attitude.  For a while now I've been thinking that the reason my attitude isn't great is because I'm overweight, that I'm just upset because of the way I look and the fact that it's so difficult to change that.  But lately I've started thinking that maybe my weight isn't the number one issue here.  Maybe it's not my weight making me upset, but it's the fact that I'm upset and unhappy with myself that is making it so difficult to eat right and work out.  This may come across as rambling to you guys, and I apologize if it does.  I just needed to get these thoughts out right now, and I'm not that great at expressing myself.  Anyway, I just think that I need to shift my focus away from the number on the scale and start focusing on making myself and those around me happier.  I think that in a way I've become obsessed with my weight to a point that it's making me neglect other areas of my life.  If I were to focus more on being a better wife and mother then it would eventually help me to become healthier too.  I think that happiness can lead to healthiness.  Some ways that I think I can make myself and those around me happier would be to quit focusing on how to lose weight and just start enjoying my life with them.  I need to do my "job" of being a good wife and mother so that my home will be a happy home.  I need to stop reading weight loss blogs and go clean my house because a clean house makes everyone who lives there feel so much better.  I need to stop worrying about trying to stay on a diet plan and just make sure I'm cooking healthy meals for my entire family and that we're able to sit down together and enjoy those meals as much as possible.  Even the dog is included in this.  I need to take him on walks more and play with him more.  I need to work on training him so that he'll get along better with all of us and with friends that may come over to visit.  I think if I just stop obsessing about what my weight is right now, and instead try to just focus on making my life and my family healthier and happier then eventually the weight will start to come off.  Stress is a big cause of weight gain.  Stressing about losing weight is never going to actually help you lose weight!  Cleaning house, walking the dog, cooking healthier meals, spending time with family, all of these things are going to help me get some exercise, eat better, and just be happier and more relaxed; and I think that will kick start some weight loss as well.  So please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.  I'm going to keep blogging every now and then, but you actually may not "see" me online as much as I have been.  I think that's something else I need to work on.  I need some separation from this computer!  I need to get off this couch and just get busy with my life!  :)